This is a blog called “meditations.”
Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote down his private reflections, compiling a philosophical guide that would ultimately be called Meditations. My mission for this blog is to write down some of my private reflections in public, in the hopes that you might gain something. If you’d like to meditate with me, in the sitting and breathing sort of way, I’d love to have you in one of my bi-weekly group healing workshops.
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2. Resist, Detach, Manifest, Repeat.
I am the kind of person who shows up on purpose or not at all, so realizing that I had no intrinsic interest in grad school made it very easy for me to check out. I’m going through the process of formalizing a leave of absence from my program, giving myself the chance to decide to come back intentionally if it feels right in the future. As soon as I let go of the idea that changing my life was the key to satisfaction, I opened up the possibility to change my life purely because I feel like it.
1. Learning to cook and learning to cry.
One of my favorite meditations is “change” by the app Stop, Think, Breathe. This was my very first meditation app, and it came to me at a time when everything about my life was, well, changing. I was 19 years old, regularly having panic attacks and living through untreated PTSD. I’m careful here to say untreated, but not un-diagnosed. I had been diagnosed the year before, and would go on to be diagnosed multiple times by multiple therapists. I had simply stopped going to therapy because I believed it was not a good use of my time. I believed I was doing ok, because I was able to get up and go to class and sure I was miserable but I was productive and being miserable is fine because that’s just life, life is hard. Right? Exactly.