This is a blog called “meditations.”
Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote down his private reflections, compiling a philosophical guide that would ultimately be called Meditations. My mission for this blog is to write down some of my private reflections in public, in the hopes that you might gain something. If you’d like to meditate with me, in the sitting and breathing sort of way, I’d love to have you in one of my bi-weekly group healing workshops.
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8. Rainbows, butterflies, and grandma’s recipes.
The goal is not to become perfect or pristine, it's to remember that even in my imperfections I am being accounted for, I am being supported, I am being watched and thought of and loved. I get to be the answer to someone else's prayers, just as others have answered mine. I get to be an instrument that the universe uses for the highest good of all people, because I am being my authentic self and that's all the universe ever wanted from me. That's all anyone ever wanted or needed--for me to step into my power and break free of the abuse and oppression that made me think I was anything less than extraordinary.
5. Silence, betrayal, and changing the world.
Before this pandemic, we decided that we could change the world, in our own little way, and we set out to do that. In the midst of this pandemic, we continue to try. We continue to create spaces to soothe the collective consciousness out of mass hysteria and into calm. We are more forthcoming with our time, our energy, our resources and our gifts. Speaking for myself, I have figured out how to do things in real time, learning how to lead healing workshops online through the process of leading healing workshops online, because suddenly the excuse that something seems challenging or I’ve never done it before doesn’t seem like enough.
1. Learning to cook and learning to cry.
One of my favorite meditations is “change” by the app Stop, Think, Breathe. This was my very first meditation app, and it came to me at a time when everything about my life was, well, changing. I was 19 years old, regularly having panic attacks and living through untreated PTSD. I’m careful here to say untreated, but not un-diagnosed. I had been diagnosed the year before, and would go on to be diagnosed multiple times by multiple therapists. I had simply stopped going to therapy because I believed it was not a good use of my time. I believed I was doing ok, because I was able to get up and go to class and sure I was miserable but I was productive and being miserable is fine because that’s just life, life is hard. Right? Exactly.