8. Rainbows, butterflies, and grandma’s recipes.

I'm honestly having trouble believing that everything I dream of is already mine. I'm noticing a lot of impatience, a lot of grace that I'm not giving myself. I feel like unless I have it all in my hands where I can see it then it's never going to come. This is the scarcity mindset and I'm feeling like I need to go back to my studies and actually finish the practice on scarcity mindset (whoops!).

There's so much I have at my disposal to help me and this is why there's so much coming to the surface now, to be released, to be worked on. I don't have to live this way forever. I don't have to carry all of this around indefinitely. I get to write my own story. I get to know that the same ease and certainty that I approached my grad school applications, the same way that I got so many yesses and doors opened to me, is the same way that I can approach the things I’m manifesting now. Why wouldn't it work out? Things have a way of working out for me. I get the jobs I go for. I get the schools I apply for. I get what I ask for. I ask, and I receive. This is honestly the story of my life if I let it be. I am always protected, always safe. There are unseen forces working on my behalf at any given time, keeping me in line with my purpose and destiny.

Even before, when my mindset was so low that I wanted to kill myself, I manifested love into my life, I manifested people that supported me and took care of me and prayed for me and housed me and fed me and made me their family. I manifested exactly what I needed. How incredible will my manifestations look once my mindset is even higher than it is now? The goal is not to become perfect or pristine, it's to remember that even in my imperfections I am being accounted for, I am being supported, I am being watched and thought of and loved. I get to be the answer to someone else's prayers, just as others have answered mine. I get to be an instrument that the universe uses for the highest good of all people, because I am being my authentic self and that's all the universe ever wanted from me. That's all anyone ever wanted or needed--for me to step into my power and break free of the abuse and oppression that made me think I was  anything less than extraordinary.

This road is not all rainbows and butterflies, unless I choose to believe that there is something beautiful in every storm, and that my metamorphosis is inevitable. This road gets to be whatever I make it. It gets to be the road less traveled. It will ALWAYS be the road less traveled, because I will always be living an unprecedented life. Everyone gets to live an unprecedented life. It's the beauty of being human. In that way, we are all making our own magic, all making our own special secret sauce. Sure, recipes are nice, and necessary, because we owe it to each other to document and pass down what we've gathered along the way. We know that the best recipes are the ones that your grandma never wrote down, the ones you try to reverse-engineer in your head, wondering why it never comes out the same as when she made it. Little do you know that one day you'll be the grandma, and everyone will be trying to re-create that version of someone else's formula that you made your own, only to realize that we are ultimately all here to create from a dance between inspiration and individuality. No two batches will ever be the same.